http://forum.combatace.com/index.php?app=blog Community Blog List Syndication Mon, 15 Mar 2010 02:23:26 +0000 webmaster@combatace.com (CombatACE) IP.Blog 60
Entry:

Okay, it's been about three weeks, so here's the next entry on my Arctic Adventure in Greenland with 12 SWS...

The sun comes up friggin' FAST. At the moment, we are already at about normal daylight hours, the sun rising around 0800L, and setting around 2000L, but we have that orange glow on the horizon as late as 2130, and can clearly see the surrounding landscape by 0600. Apparently, we're gaining 20mins/day of sunlight at the moment - that rate will slow at some point, but recall by May (at least) we're going to hit 24 hours of sunlight. That'll be a lot of fun.

I'm a Line Instructor at the moment (got certified about three days ago) and am in line to become Chief of Training by June so long as everything works out, and I don't dick anything up. Stuff moves quickly here at Thule. I'm already working on the Monthly Recurring Training scenarios and scripts for next month. Wewt (yeah...right.)

Also, I got my "Thule Name." This name is not unlike a callsign, and is usually based upon either your first or last name, something stupid you did, something you're clearly very much into, or a name with such a good story to go along with it (most are <10% truth) that you get that name. Those stories are accompanied by shots of Jeremiah Weed. My "Thule Name" is "Quid?" - Latin for "What?" though half the time I'm referred to as "N.E.I.L" - a reference to when I first got here and everyone was spelling my name "NIEL," so one night I'm working the storm operations center (SOC) and someone asked me what my first name was for logging purposes, and I said "Neil, N-E-I-L." I was working with an 821st ABG Lt Col, and every time I saw him afterwards, he called me N.E.I.L ("N.E.I.L, how's it going?" for example), which then caught on with 12 SWS. Still not entirely sure how it got beat out by "Quid?" but it did. The main difference between a Thule Name and a callsign is that I don't know if my Thule Name will stick with me like a callsign would.

Here's a thought I didn't list last time, regarding the BX (PX to you Army folk):

The BX up here really is tiny; think of your "mom and pop" grocery store kind of thing, then half it, and you've got about what we've got. It's got what you need, not necessarily what you want; though they do have a good enough selection of games and consoles somehow :blink: . Something that they do have plenty of is booze. Now there's a saying when you go to Thule: you'll either come back as a hunk, a drunk, or a chunk - i.e. you'll get in great shape, expose the fact that you're an alcoholic, or become a fatass from sitting around.

We've had some alcohol related incidents up here within the past few months; or rather, one with AF personnel before I got here (anyone in the AF can probably read about it somewhere - I had to do the planning to get the replacement personnel up here for that one) and also, as mentioned before, with Inuits. Regardless of problems, alcohol is one way to unwind (so long as you do so RESPONSIBLY!!!), and the funny thing to me is that we might have one aisle of boxed/canned foods, and a set of refrigerators with frozen goods, along with one rack of fresh meats, but we have two aisles of hard liquor and wine, and a whole wall of beer.

Now, what's even more interesting to me is just how much of an assortment we have. We've got beer from Germany, Holland, Denmark, Mexico, America...damn near everywhere. We even have one of my personal favorites: Weihenstephaner Heffe Weissbier. On some occasions I'll drop the $9 for a six-pack, though it isn't often. We have Scotch Whiskeys, including high-end, aged single-malts - though I prefer the Glenlivett 12-year; a good balance of cost and quality, rather than dropping the damn bank! For that matter, I like to drink Rusty Nails, which calls for blended scotch and Drambuie (which had been absent for the first month and a half I was here.) The main thing I need to find now is dry vermouth - we've got a good assortment of red (sweet) vermouth, and gin, but a man can't drink a dry martini or gibson with sweet vermouth!

We had our PFT (Physical Fitness Test) recently; not sure what my score actually totaled to (it was mid-80's), but I was disappointed with my run - 11:40, terrable for me. It probably didn't help that we are in a dry climate and in a hangar with diesel fumes hanging around due to the cold weather, but I'm convinced to get that time down. Back at Vandyland I got about 10:20, meaning I gained more than a minute! I didn't feel as bad when I was told just about everyone gained a minute or so, but dammit, I want <11 like I ran before!

Some other notes, we no longer use the van for crew purposes - we have Toyota Hilux trucks for that. Those trucks actually get warm, which is nice. We also had to learn how to drive stick (now about three months ago for me), because all vehicles up here are manual transmission. My former manual experience was with bikes, so it took a little getting used to, but I wasn't unfamilliar with the concept; the clutch and throttle are just in different places. Recently, coming back from the radar we spun out. One of our SrA 12SWS-ers was at the wheel, and we got hit by a gust of wind, which departed the truck; he counter-steered properly, but wouldn't you know it, we hit a patch of ice! Truck kicked out the opposite way, stayed upright and spun off the road, but we were at a part of the road that was flat, and not full of UXO's. No harm to personnel or truck, and we had an SF guy check us out, too. Pulled back on the road and had a (fortunately) uneventful rest of the way home.

We also almost floored an Arctic Hare last night. As per usual, the damn thing runs out in front of the car, and then runs parallel with us, rather than tangent, in the direction we're headed. Fortunately the little bastard jumped to the right before we crushed him. This was right near the radar parking lot. We parked the car, and the rabbit ran to a dumpster and began staring us down. As we walked towards the radar entry point, I noticed another three little fluffy basketballs just sitting next to one of our hazard signs, right next to the roadway. I swear to God they look like the evil rabbit from Monty Python's Quest for the Holy Grail. I've begun contemplating wearing plated defenses while in the area. I think they hang out in front of the radar so that they can get radiated, grow really large, and then go after the Archies (Arctic Foxes) and Air Force personnel - hell, they're big enough!

No further Polar Bear warnings thus far. I like that fact. Also, plan to do some Thule Trippin' soon; will get a camera in short order!

V/R,
"Quid?/N.E.I.L./Caesar"

P.S. Paulus Hector Mair of the Holy Roman Empire was so adamant about creating a Fechtbuch better than any before (with illustrations, color, printing, etc.) that he misappropriated city funds to support it. Regardless of his martial skill or his intentions to preserve his martial arts, he was arrested and hung as a thief. His book did get published and indeed is very well illustrated and written in Latin.]]> Thu, 31 Dec 2009 02:23:00 +0000
PREFACE: About a month or so ago Dave contacted me asking if I wanted a forum entry to let folks know what life is like up at Thule AB, as he made for Southernap about Carrier Life. At the moment, I still have access to CA, so I figured I'd start on a series of Blog entries on life at Thule; if the site eventually becomes unaccessable, I might have to go the other route. For now, here's my first entry on my Arctic Adventure to the Top of the World.

ENTRY: Thule Air Base is the northernmost USAF installation, located above 76*N Latitude; 10* above the start of the Arctic Circle, and a few hundred miles above the Northern (Southern) Lights. Compasses are useless up here, because magnetic North is West of us, and I understand when aircraft are flying up here, they have to use grids, because their own compasses are useless. GPS guidance might have changed that for some planes, but the primary aircraft that come and go from here are a DC-8 and Canadian C-130. Home of the 821st Air Base Group and 12th Space Warning Squadron (Wewt!) the function of Thule Air Base is to support Missile Warning operations for the defense of America, Canada, and our allies. Our secondary mission, which actually takes up most of our time, is Space Surveillance; looking for and gathering observations on satellites. Makes sense, as there are very few times folks go hurling missiles around, but the satellites are flying about the sky every second. For this purpose, we (12SWS) operate the Mighty AN/FPS-132(V)3 Upgraded Early Warning Radar (UEWR)/Solid State Phased Array Radar System (SSPARS). More on those satellites later.

When you're going to Thule, you take a DC-8 (also known to 12SWS and the 821st as the "DC-Late," as it is notorious for breaking) which may or may not have its heater functioning at any given time. Fortunately, when I came here just over two months ago I was wearing well-insulated winter boots, though apparently the heaters were working that day. If the heaters aren't functioning, it is friggin' COLD. The flight takes about 7 hours. Upon arrival, for any newcomer, it is imperative that you not be the last new guy of the plane, and if you're the only new guy (or gal) you're kind of screwed, as you become the new guardian of the squadron mascot.

When I arrived, a new rule was made that the four of us arriving on the same plane would each take a turn guarding the mascot. I think I was actually the most successful; I only lost control of it twice, and reacquired it rapidly. The latest guy off the plane lost it twice in the same night, and after the second time, it got shipped back state-side. Anyone familliar with the defense of squadron mascots knows other squadrons getting their hands on your mascot is not good. Apparently, it went to Schriever AFB, CO, and this was the second time in recent history it has journied back state-side. That's one of two things you don't want to have happen; the first is to have the 821st ABG get a hold of it (not as bad as getting it shipped state-side, usually). Apparently, our young Airmen SF personnel stormed the Missile Warning Operations Center (MWOC) and jacked up one of the carriers when he first arrived, to take the missile. They were fully justified, as you're not allowed to have it on site, but by tradition, we have to be creative to have it on us at all times (or just keep it out of mind and not have it on us.) Either way, I got rid of that thing long ago, so it's no factor for me anymore.

I arrived at Thule during the dark season...and MAN is it dark then. I missed most of the terrain, and a MOUNTAIN for the better part of two months (now that we can see, it looks kind of like a cross between Mars and Hoth.) I had been working Mid shifts (2100-0900) for a long time, so even when it started lightening up, I was asleep and never noticed the terrain much. I got a day off, looked outside around 1000 and noticed for the first time just how much bigger the base is than I thought. Walked down stairs, opened the door, looked to my right and "Huh...there's a mountain right there, how 'bout that? Wait, WHAT!?" Couldn't see the damn thing looking in that direction for two months. The sky, on a clear night, is extraordinary; a sky that under normal circumstances, I'd assume only a pilot could see in the dark night sky well above light interference. On the road to the radar, you get far enough from light interference that there is nothing to mar your view. The constellations are hard to find because there are so many stars out, and regions of the sky that would appear as black in a more populated area yield dimmer clusters of stars. Within about 15 seconds looking up one night (we had pulled over to admire the sky) I saw two low-earth orbiting satellites and a shooting star against the already amazing backdrop, and noticed what appeared to be part of the spiral arm of our galaxy. One thing you can't see: the Northern Lights (or, Southern Lights from here); they are too far South. Of note, I just saw the sun today around 1145 for the first time in over two months!

To help deal with the lack of sunlight, and especially important to people with Seasonal Effectiveness Disorder, we are given "Happy Lamps"; that is, a lamp that generates different wavelengths of light to help your body generate vitamins and chemicals it would normally create from absorbing sunlight. My happy lamp broke about three weeks in. I have since learned I do not suffer from SED.

The living areas are like college dorms...eerily so. Unless you're a Captain through Colonel (or in one instance, a 1st Lieutenant) you have a single-person dorm with a conjoined bathroom, shared with your neighbor. It's space enough, certainly, but MAN does it remind me of the dorms back in Syracuse (before they were rennovated). The dorms have layers of lead paint as well as lead water piping, but apparently we've removed the asbestos from the dorm buildings; plenty of other buildings have that wonderful insulation, though. Considering that this place is very much unchanged from what it was 50 years ago, that's what you have to deal with. Sadly, I can't eat the paint chips up here :rolleyes:. We have a day room with a computer wired for internet access. You can also get internet installed into your room through a Danish company, but the problem is that it is extremely expensive, and very slow. All internet is pushed through the same lines, so regardless of what package you buy, you're always getting a connections slightly faster than dial-up. At least I have it, though!

In terms of recreation, we have a fitness center with a decent enough gym (got new machines up here just before I arrived) and a bowling alley with four lanes in the same building. Also, a community center with a wireless hub, a small reading room with a few books (I brought a bunch of mine up), a small theater (which is actually pretty nice; chairs are in good order, and there's a hi-rez projecter for movies!) and a game room. Then, there's the Top of the World Club (TOW Club) - we don't have an O or E club, so it's a combined O/E/Contractor club (though the Contractors have a second club of their own called the Igloo). Got pool tables, dart board, some places to sit, but also a ballroom for more official functions, and a restaraunt if you don't want to go with bar food (which is actually probably the best food up here, IMHO).

Unfortunately, with some contractors being Inuits, there can be problems at the TOW club. Alcohol and Inuits do not mix; I don't know the science behind it, but we got a briefing on this when we first arrived, that, should we go "Thule Trippin'" (i.e. exploring the landscape) when it gets bright, NEVER give alcohol to encountered Innuits (say if you had it on you for a picnic) because it is highly common for them to become aggressive, violent, and abusive towards other people and their famalies once drinking. But they get it sometimes; I can recall one night that I was sitting Commander of our half-billion dollar radar and got a call from SF that an Innuit had gotten liquored up at the club, went waving a knife around, then ran and stole a truck, crashed it into a snowbank, ran from the accident, and eventually passed out in a building. Made the evening a bit more lively, to say the least. The truck was largely unharmed.

Some notes on the weather: As you might expect, it is COLD up here. But you get used to it...kind of. Upon arrival, it was a managable -9 or -11 or something, which I now consider shorts weather for short distances (no kidding, here). Temperatures can drop to -65*F at times; I haven't actually been outside in those temperatures, but have driven in them. The crew vehicle literally could not warm up, so we just shut off the "warm" air from the vents at that point. At -70*F, we were told exposed skin can begin to freeze in 15 seconds. On the average, it's about -20 to -30 with windchill at any given time. Also, storms up here are insane. We have wind speed sensors, so that we know when to call storm conditions, to prevent people from going outside, or going but with another person, or calling it safe after a storm or bad visibility, closing roads, etc. During my first week here, we got hit with a storm that yielded 135kt winds (about 155MPH or so). Yeah, no one was going outside for that! I think our dumpster outside the officer dorm wound up two streets over or something to that extent.

Also, regarding wildlife, we have a few animals that manage to live up here, and which we see every once in a while. Arcric Hares can be seen on the roads (little white basketballs, as we call them), Arctic Foxes (Archies) which have fur that can change color; there are black-furred and white-furred archies running around at any given time. Also, polar bears. We got our first polar bear warning about three weeks ago. That is no good; polar bears have no fear of man, and if you see one, it is advised you run to the nearest building, as quickly as possible - don't try to make yourself look big, don't shout...polar bears don't dick around; they will kill and eat you. I think they are protected under American law, but IIRC, either the Danes or Inuits don't care and will bag them if they become problematic. So far, we've only had that one warning, after tracks were found, but we never saw the bear.

That's about all for now. There's a lot more to discuss, I'm sure, and I'll write it when I think of it.

P.S. - For a short time during ACEVAL/AIMVAL, "Hoser" drove around Nellis AFB with a modified non-functional AIM-9 attached to the side of his van. The base commander had him remove it. It resides in front of his house today.

V/R,
"Caesar"]]> Thu, 31 Dec 2009 02:22:00 +0000
Everything went pretty well, and the phase check CFI actually said he thought I was in the top 10% for phase checks that he’s performed! The only things I got dinged for were 1) not knowing what information you need to give when you call 1-800-WX-Brief. I spoke with my normal CFI about this afterward, and he thought that was totally irrelevant, as he hadn’t used it years. 2) during my engine out procedure from altitude, I didn’t announce the steps of the restart flow as I was going through them, and I forgot to the pretend to go through the last part of the securing checklist (fuel shut-off, mags off, etc…). Also, I was way high and over shot my intended field, circled back, and kind of over shot it again. We theoretically “crashed into the trees and died”.

The only thing I’m really concerned about is the engine out procedure. With my usual CFI, we usually recover at ~ 1000’ AGL (maybe a little more). This guy today had me keep flying it until we were literally a couple hundred feet over the little horse jumps (my selected field was a horse riding “park”, whatever those are called…), and I think it really drove the point home that I was way too high. So that is something I will definitely work on with my CFI. As unlikely as it is that I will need to land in a field some day, getting there correctly is definitely something that could save my life.

Anyway, now my CFI just has to sign off saying we reviewed the 1-800-WX-Brief and engine outs, and then I’m all set to solo on my own!

Happy Holidays!]]> Wed, 23 Dec 2009 22:26:00 +0000
-Update and a Hoser Story-

Well, I've been here for just over a month now, and I can't believe it has been this long. I also can't believe that, thanks to the storm season, it has taken this long to get spun up and qualified on our system! I have completed training and I can finally operate the mighty AN/FPS-132V3 radar.

Regarding the weather, it has been around the -50F region here, though I understand Minot has been about as cold as us recently. Aparently in February, we can get as cold as (or colder than) -70F, where we are told, exposed skin can begin to freeze in about 15 seconds! Looking forward to that...but at least the sun will finally show back up around that time. On the brighter side, 12SWS is comprised of some of the most awesome people I've met. We are a small squadron, roughly 30 in size, so we see the same people just about every day. As with most of space command, we work very closely with the Enlisted side.

And here's another Hoser story for you all (as Sixgun mentioned is his favorite):

Hoser is the only US Navy pilot cleared for flight with a big toe for a thumb. How'd that happen? During the early 1980's, Hoser got called out of retirement by SECNAV Lehman himself to be the gunnery phase leader for the F-14RAG. He held this position until around 1989, in time to fly the newly engined F-14B. Sometime around here, Hoser obtained a 20mm Vulcan Cannon barrel, which he crafted into a breach-loading cannon for home research. Well, during one firing, the breach failed, exploded, and took Hoser's thumb with it! Knowing that he couldn't fly without a thumb, he had one of his big toes transplanted. The first didn't take, but the second one did. Showing that he could operate the aircraft, and select weapons on the stick, Hoser was cleared for flight with the big toe. The name "Toeser" was coined, but it didn't stick. (EDIT; found the actual date) This accident happened in 1989, right around when Hoser was transitioning to the F/A-18 as his final mount.


Hoser's affection for firearms and weapons in general hasn't died down either. Recently, he created a bow/gun running on high-pressure air, to shoot an arrow at tremendous speeds. Having learned from his 20mm explosion, Hoser up-armored the device around areas the air feed could fail or explode, so that in the event of a failure, his thumb won't have to be replaced by another body part...

That's all for now.]]> Wed, 09 Dec 2009 22:53:00 +0000
I finally solo'd!!!!

It took a little over 40 hrs, but man did it feel great. I was nervous, and my heart was racing while he signed my log book and got out of the plane. But, once I was by myself, I felt great and completely calmed down. I also learned that a Cessna 172 with only one person in it feels like an F-16.

OK, back to work... (yeah, like I'm going to get anything done today... )]]> Tue, 24 Nov 2009 22:25:00 +0000
There are tens, if not hundreds of “Hoser” stories – but the unique thing about them is that unlike “sea stories,” nearly all of them are true. He has flown the F-8 and RA-5 over Vietnam, the EC-121, F-4 (for a FAM Hop in 1974), F-14 (from ACE/AIM in 1974 to the early 80’s and evidently the F-14B in the later 80's) and F/A-18 (late 80’s-very early 90's). The stories listed here are related by “Clem” Clemente and “Hey Joe” Parsons, both Tomcat RIOs, and don’t even scratch the surface of all the Hoser stories that exist. Some of the Vietnam stories are just amazing (to include how he figured out how to shoot a .357 revolver out of the cockpit of his F-8! - something about a ram-air/purge opening...)

These stories were taken directly from tomcat-sunset.org, which is getting harder to join thanks to spammers, but if you are a member/become one, you can still find ‘em right there. So, without further adieus, here’s a few “Hoser” stories:

“Clem” Clemente
-Meeting the Legend-

I was hearing Hoser stories long before I ever met "Satrapa Joe." In fact when I finally DID get to meet him -- circa 1985 when I returned from my first squadron tour to join VF-101 as a RAG instructor and Hoser was just recently returning to active duty -- I asked HIMSELF about "Hoser stories" ...

Back bar, Oceana -- Friday early evening happy hour (of course) ... picture dancers (Tasha), wall to wall aviators and local talent ... and there he was -- the mythic Hoser.

I walked up and shook his hand, told him what an honor it was to finally MEET him as I'd been hearing these incredible STORIES -- they couldn't ALL be true??!!

He smiled (now Hoser was a little more "grizzled" than I was used to ... fighter business is a young man's game and even the skippers were relatively in "their prime" ... Hoser was a mite more mature -- had a little grampa Pettibone's going on. But there was this crinkle in his eye ... and an excitement in just sharing the air with this guy.

He said something like ... "you can't believe all those 'Hoser stories' -- sometimes I even hear new ones -- I have no idea where some of them come from."

So I said "well, what about fishing with grenades?"

"Oh ... well ... yeah, I did that"

"What about the story that when you first joined the Tomcat community (early 70's Miramar when F-8's still ruled the nest) ... did you really take off in a Tomcat one night around dusk and boom up and down the coast of San Diego -- at low altitude -- with ONE afterburner lit ... then snuck back into Miramar and all the F-8 guys got in trouble?!" (they had one afterburning engine)

The eye and mouth crinkled ... "yeah ... I did do that!"

In fact, I can't think of ANY Hoser story I'M aware of ... that weren't true ; =)

-2 vs WHAT?-

Picture Hoser ... recently brought back from retirement by Sec Nav himself after a challenge at the JO forum at Tailhook. When I saw Hoser shortly afterward in the Oceana club in his aviation greens ... he said he just "opened up the closet and IT WAS STILL RIGGED!" (after several years of retirement, the devices were still attached to the shirt! Laundering NOT REQUIRED!)

So Hoser becomes the guns phase leader (again) and is rubbing shoulders with those of us 15 years junior in seniority, about 30 years his junior in experience.

Hoser is scheduled for a 2 vs 2 ACM flight against Langley F-15s with a student in his back seat and a student pilot on his wing. Wingman goes down on deck (airplane breaks). Hoser launches alone and unafraid and they check in to the controller as a "flight" of two. Hoser and his RIO proceed to talk back and forth like they're two a/c instead of one.

Fight's on!

Eagles get tally of one at merge (imagine that) and they break their necks looking for the other Tomcat (which is back at the line at VF-101). Hoser -- the master of the slow flight -- maneuvers in for one gun kill, then two.

Knock it off, knock it off!!!

Eagle drivers are pissed when they find out that the "two-ship" they just fought was Hoser and his RIO. All reposition for a second run. Now it's a KNOWN 1 vs 2 and the Eagle drivers (one Major and one Lt Col -- were HOT!)

Fight's on!

Picture afterburner spouting F-15s pulling their delta wings off -- and Hoser with the big boys (flaps) working in a "non-landing configuration," cart-wheeling and pivoting across the sky like Mary Lou Retton on steroids. Gun kill #3 ... followed by #4.

Knock it off, knock it off!!! Everyone's out of gas, RTB.

Phone rings in Skippers office at VF-101. Lt Col on phone wants to know WHO the heck was in that Tomcat that did things "not possible by the laws of physics?!" Skipper looks at flight schedule -- sees Hoser, and with a knowing smile, gives the Air Force officer the number to the phase leader's office to debrief with Hoser himself. Word filters down to Hoser that this Lt Col was impressed and wants to (a crude expression was used here I won't repeat since this is a family board.)

Ring, ring. Hoser picks up phone and humbly says "Lieutenant JG Satrapa SIR!" (making the two Air Force officers think they'd just got their butts kicked by an F-14 STUDENT PILOT!!) "Thank you sir, thank you sir" blurts out Hoser while he tries not to bust out laughing -- the rest of us were less successful.

“Hey Joe” Parsons
-VX-4, we apologize in advance...-

Upon arrival in VX-4, he was scheduled to fight the best F-4 stick in the squadron as part of normal humbling rite of passage. Despite having no F-4 background, he proceeded to show the experienced F-4 driver (no slouch himself) how it was done and earned a spot on the select AIM/ACEVAL team where he competed head to head for the best kill ratio. Hoser was and still is larger than life and flies a S-2T fighting fires in CA.

When at VX-4, he delighted in using a slingshot with spent ammo from firing range to knock down seagulls. When base police objected to his digging in the firing range backstops, he reversed the tables and started stalking them until they cried Uncle.

Another Hoser true story was when he checked into VX-4, he discovered that his last squadron (Vigilantes) had sent a sympathy card knowing they'd never be the same after the arrival of Hoser.

And there was the time (told to me by base XO) that security stops him at the gate with an AK-47 lying on his passenger seat. All sorts of calls get made and alarms go off until the upper management (CO's office) hears it is just "Hoser" and he forgot about it being in the car. The Base XO went and retrieved “Hoser” and his weapon. Seems “Hoser” was really into weapons and always had them around. Neighbors had to get used to sound of firearms from his backyard.

“Clem” Clemente
-ACE/AIM Results-

OK, here's another classic Hoser story: Hoser wasn't really a "test community" kind of guy ... but here he was working on this project that was to test out the forward quarter capability of heat the heat seeking AIM-9 "LIMA" which was hitting the market and was a face shooter (you could get a "tone" in the forward quarter and didn't have to maneuver to the classic rear quarter kill spot).

So Hoser was on the team to work on how to defeat this new capability ... and he did.

His fellow test pilots couldn't understand, but when they got to the merge against Hoser, they couldn't get a tone! On deck, with pencil sharpened, Mr Satrapa was about to write his report to the community -- Hoser tactics to beat the mighty LIMA.

"OK, first you need a LOT OF SMACK (read speed). Then at 10 miles, you shut 'em both down (i.e. the ENGINES), not IDLE mind you shut the F___ERS DOWN! At 2 miles (inject cold car cranking noises with turning keys motion and pumping an invisible gas peddle), you CRANK EM BACK UP. You'll still have about 400 at the merge and I'd suggest you make the first move in the vertical!"

They never let him write up the report.

“Hey Joe” Parsons
-Grenade Fishing Amplification-

Hoser and a bud go fishing with him, Hoser taking beer and a small tackle box. After a period of time with Hoser drinking and the other guy casting, his bud says "aren't you going to fish?" Hoser then opens the toolbox and to his frind's utter amazement pulls out a hand grenade, pulsl the pin and tosses it into the water. Then comes the muffled boom and stunned fish floating to the surface. Hoser grabs a net and turns to his stunned companion and says "You gonna fish or what?"

-One story of Hoser in Vietnam/Amp on getting the F-8’s in trouble-
As to the [F-8] burner story, Hoser was always full of mishief. An A-7 pilot told me that after returning to the carrier at night and setting up in the marshal stack off Vietnam, Hoser came rocketing up through the stack in burner broadcasting a SAM launch warning tone by jamming his masking into his helmet over the ear-cup and selecting transmit while putting his RHAW gear into test and therefore making everyone think a SAM was somehow coming up at them.

--That’s all for now!--]]> Sat, 14 Nov 2009 18:23:00 +0000
Those 2 days of good landings were followed by some windy conditions and/or short lessons, so no solo. Then, I (for some unknown reason) lost the feel and sight picture for the hold off and touch down. As a result there were a couple lessons that consisted of me either touching down way to early with the nose nearly level or me ballooning up and slamming back down on the mains. On top of that, some windy conditions one day resulted in some of those landings being with 20 degree flaps and 70KIAS, and that further threw off my fell and sight picture for the hold off and touch down. Last weekend’s lesson ended well, though.

I’m flying twice this weekend, so I thought I’d squeeze in an hour today at lunch. I got three landings in; 1^st didn’t hold off long enough, but wasn’t too bad; 2^nd one was really good, 3^rd one was possibly the worst landing I’ve done so far…

I was right of centerline crossing the threshold, and I should have just gone around. I managed to get it back to centerline and I thought that things were looking good. Unfortunately I bounced… twice… That was the second time on this one approach that I should have gone around, but didn’t. Anyway, the instructor was on the controls before I even realized that we’d bounced, and it took a lot of effort from him (at least it looked that way to me) to get things squared away.

I won’t lie… I’m getting frustrated. Every lesson starts with “We’re working on consistency on that hold off and touch down. Everything else is looking pretty good…”. And every lesson I think it’s going to be the day that consistency shows up. And every lesson ends with “we just need to focus on the hold off and touch down; everything else is looking really consistent”. Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! I feel like I’m in Ground Hog Day. While I’m mainly frustrated with myself and not the instructor, today the thought did cross my mind that if I continue to struggle, I might want to just try a flight with a different instructor to see if there’s another way the technique can be presented to me that will help me get it. We’ll see how this weekend goes…]]> Thu, 12 Nov 2009 22:55:00 +0000
A recent comment has gotten me to thinking about how badly skewed history has become for many people (and this includes myself, most certainly, I just don't realize it). Legends and stories have generated a terribly different view of our past, brushing aside facts for fiction, that then becomes accepted as fact. As per usual, I'll be mostly looking through the Medieval/Ren European glass, because it is what I am most familliar with.

Das Nibelungenlied, the Arthurian romances, Beowulf, Njal's Saga...all sources written within about 300 years of eachother (roughly 10th-13th centuries). Primary source documents, in a fashion, telling tales of heroes and princesses, queens, warriors, knights; of chivalry and betrayal. But they are only primary in and of themselves, for once one reads into them, the events cataloged are entirely fabrications. They are stories. Read them, and you will find young Sifried hurling a 1,000 pound spear, Vikings hacking boats apart with their Atgeir, knights cleaving each other in half with their swords and their strength. You will hear of legendary swords, slaying sea monsters and dragons.

The key thing to remember from the above paragraph are the three words: "They are stories." As is "A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court" - largely responsible for spreading the idea that knightly weapons and armor were awkward, unbalanced, overtly heavy, unelegant pieces of equipment. Add this to fencers in the 19th century talking about how "handsome" and "perfect" their own blades were, such as described in Old Sword Play by Capt. Samuel Hutton, in comparison to the blades of old, and you can see where historians run into problems clearing these beliefs.

I must have written on how these views were horrifically wrong dozens of times in college, and have pointed it out in my blog enough that anyone who has read it should be getting tired of it. Actual historians believed such horses*it, never deciding to look deeper into the matters; and subsequently in their publications streamed out the same horses*it for nearly 2 centuries. Why dawn the armor, when this perfectly good story tells me otherwise. Why lift a 2 pound longsword up when you heard that they weigh 40 pounds? Doesn't that suffice? It disgusts me. It's like a congressman asking why we were funding the F-14 program in the mid-80's when the enemy aircraft were smaller, faster and more maneuverable - because he heard the line in Top Gun. Oh wait, the A-4 and F-5 don't even approach the speed of the Tomcat, nor do they have the overall envelope of the aircraft (as with any a/c, they have advantages and disadvantages in different parts of the envelope); but the movie said otherwise, and that's enough, right? Uhh, no, no, it isn't.

As I've also written earlier, a problem I run into are folks who think anything from the West doesn't approach the workmanship of weaponry of the East (esp. Japan.) Again: legends, stories, which just so happened to survive because the gun was outlawed, and the sword re-glorified. It's garbage! European bladesmithing was excellent, and the techniques varied depending on where and when the sword was made (or axe, spear, etc.) in many ways, thanks to the quality of the steel, the blades were superior to other contemporary blades, just as their armor was some of the toughest on the face of the planet, thanks manganese and other toughening agents found in their iron ore. Is it any wonder that when the Portugese arrived the Peascod breastplate and European armors began to appear in Japan?

I've heard the word "perfect" to describe so many swords across time it sickens me: Katana, Rapier, Smallsword; believe it or not, the Longsword even! What ticks me off is that none of these blades are superior to another for the job they were designed to do, hence my prior entry. For every treatise on why the Rapier is better than the Longsword, I can find one that states the opposite; yet the rapier was not fielded on the battlefield like the longsword. It's like comparing an AK-47 to a .22 Mag handgun. For concealing, quick draw, very close quarters, go with the .22; for a battlefield, regardless of city, forest, longer or closer range, you'd want to go with an AK.

For that matter, by construction, which I hit on earlier, the Katana is made the way it is made, and it worked. Guess what, the Longsword was at least its equal in quality, and was manufactured sometimes in similar matters, or sometimes different ones depending on iron ore quality, geo-location, the smith himself, etc. Either blade was manufactured in a perfect way for itself. A blade that broke clearly was not, or was used in a way for which it was not designed.

It is for this reason I hate stories. I've found I can't watch movies anymore without shouting at the screen; I can no longer suspend disbelief. I run into people who believe them at face value, and I can't stand it. I want to find the truth behind the horses*it, or get as damn close as I can.

Got to go for now...might modify this later.

-Rant Off.]]> Fri, 06 Nov 2009 02:53:00 +0000
Swords were central parts of warrior culture for millennia. They do not have the age of the axe or spear, nor the longevity (Approximately 5000 total years of use, starting around 3300BC and in use until roughly the 19th century AD, but being rare at both the beginning and end of these times) of the former, but yet they hold a near mystical quality to this day, seen in movies, heard in stories, the symbol of good and righetousness; the weapon today holds no place on a battlefield, yet is still a symbol of great power. The question, is there a sword above all begs to be answered.

What we must consider when talking about any weapon system is: What was this designed to do? The sword, much like modern weapon systems, was a specialized weapon which at its core was designed to kill young men on a battlefield, or later, in a duel. The next question: By what means does it do its job?

We ought to look at some examples then, for there were swords designed to cut, designed to thrust, or designed to do both. Now, there is a caveat to this: swords designed for the cut could VERY WELL kill a man with a thrust, if he were not wearing armor, and swords designed to thrust may have had an edge, allotting them to make hews. Others, however, like the smallsword or late rapier, had no cutting edge and could physically not cut an individual, but could be used to slap them as a means for a distraction or to force a reaction.

The falchion, and similar swords such as the grosses messer (big/great knife), were designed primarily to cut. For this reason, they were “blade heavy” weapons, i.e. the center of balance was closer to the tip rather than the hilt (average weight was around 2 to 3lbs, making the weapon a bit heavier for a single-handed sword.) Their blade shape, curved, wide and flat, made them exceptional cutting weapons.

By the 15th century, although the grosses messer could be found in the hands of civilians, its battlefield use would have been rare, due to advances in the plate harness. For all intents and purposes, the weapon could not be used to cut plate, and its thrusting tip was wide. Its blade-heavy design made it harder to achieve the point control necessary to thrust the weapon into an armored opponent’s gaps. Could it kill a man in armor? Certainly, but it was not as efficient as a tapered weapon to do that job.

This does not mean that the falchion was a bad or imperfect sword, however. It was highly efficient against both unarmored and mailled opponents. With time, however, and advances in armor, it was not as effective as other swords for the battlefield. Its cutting capability is incredible – with but a flick of the wrist, it can sheer through 4”+ rolled straw mat targets, and in Talhoffer’s treatise of 1467, is shown to take off a hand at the wrist with as much ease.

Thrusting weaponry, on the other hand, was primarily where Western sword technology eventually developed over time, and it is not surprising. As plated defenses evolved, weaponry changed from favoring the cut to favoring the thrust, because cutting through plate was next to impossible. Instead, gaps in the armor had to be exploited, and weaponry like the Tuck developed. In essence, the Tuck is a steel rod with a cross (crossguard) and pommel. The blade is very stiff, unlike typical blades from Europe, which are designed to flex.

The Tuck was specifically designed to best armor, but the blade’s versatility was limited because it could not cut. Its cross and pommel gave the weapon some flexibility in combat, as these parts do for other swords, but a whole set of techniques could not be exploited by the user. Given what the Tuck was designed to do, however, it did the job very well.

Cut-and-thrust weaponry offers the best of both worlds, but tends to favor one over the other, and good examples include the Katana and the Longsword (Hand-and-a-half, bastard). The Katana is a weapon designed to cut or thrust, and thanks to its blade design is proficient at both, but favor is to the cut. This is discernable by paying attention to the blade’s curve and wedge cross-section, and that it is weighted ahead of the handle to assist cutting (not unlike the Falchion, but also not as far ahead). The Longsword, on the other hand is also proficient at both the cut or thrust, but favors the thrust, and again, one needs only to look at the blade for evidence: long, tapered, usually of diamond or hexagonal cross section, and weighted closer to the handle for better point control.

Now I know there are many legends about the Katana (there are also about the Longsword, but less known) and I hate to tell you, it can’t cut a fighter jet in half, nor shoot fireballs made of chi. Its design kept constant by the stagnation of threats in Japan – note how it fell by the wayside in the mid 1500’s following the introduction of the Harquebus and pike, only to return following the gun’s outlaw. Like the messer, it has great cutting capability, but once armor is put in its way – including maille – that cutting capability is diminished greatly or completely thwarted. Fortunately, the Japanese designed the blade to thrust as well, and its tip is quite sharp, easily able to pop the rings of maille armor.

The Longsword is easily comparable: treatises (not artwork here) show it easily able to decapitate an unarmored man, and I have personally seen it sheer clean through a deer carcass at the thickest of the chest, through bone and muscle, with ease. It is lightweight (2 to 4 pounds) and very quick, but its tapered blade and extraordinarily sharp tip show it was meant to thrust as well. Handling at the “half sword,” the weapon becomes a mini spear, with even better point control, used to thrust into the gaps of armor. It can also be used as a hook or mace, using the cross and pommel as weapons in their own right.

Now, I know there are many more swords out there, but this is a blog entry, not a book, so the question is proposed: which is better? Well, that depends on what you want to do with it. Verily, the Longsword and Katana have greater versatility than the Falchion or Tuck, but circumstances can dictate different answers. If the opponent is many in number, in a crowded medieval city, the Longsword’s length can become a disadvantage, though it is far more manageable than a two-hander (or I just suck) close in. It is in this circumstance that the Falchion/Messer was found to be highly proficient (even after it left the battlefield in numbers).

Say, rather, it is a pitched battlefield, where armored and unarmored troops exist alike, armed with a multitude of weaponry. In this case, the Longsword or Katana are preferable, because the length becomes an advantage, and the versatility of the weapons. They are able to resist heavier weapons and overpower lighter ones, and do not need a shield to assist for defense.

I find a good analogy is a comparison of aircraft: what do you want to do with it? Shoot down bombers at long range? Get into a dogfight? Bring a load of bombs 1000 miles inland and come back with the option of hanging onto 8000 pounds of ordnance if the mission gets scrubbed? There are aircraft that can do all of those (F-14, F-15E) but there are purpose built aircraft that can do the job better (A-6, B-52, B-1 for strike, F-16, F/A-18, F-22, Su-35 for dogfighting, or planes that have simply been surpassed with time.)

The idea of a “best sword” is laughable, simply because battlefields across the world were so diverse, and the threat on the battlefield just as diverse. Axes and spears overall held the advantage over the sword, thanks to their length and the strength of their attacks, but the sword could resist them when handled properly. Purpose built weaponry would excel in one part of combat, but not another. You wouldn’t take an A-6 into a dogfight.

Other factors include time and tactics. A weapon that worked very well in the time of Rome, like the Gladius Hispaniensis, would have no purpose on a 15th Century battlefield, but was used to extreme success on the battlefields of antiquity. For that matter, the longer swords of later times would not have worked well in a Roman formation, nor did Germanic swords, which had greater length than the Gladius, work very well against a well formed Roman army, thanks to that same tight formation.

Individual soldiers’ size can be a factor as well. If there were a weapon that I would bring into combat, it would probably be the German Longsword of the late 15th to mid 16th century, because it fits my build well, and is very versatile. Although I love the true two-hander, it is simply too big for me to wield efficiently, yet a person of larger build could do so very well.

The best sword is the right sword for the right circumstance.]]> Thu, 22 Oct 2009 03:50:00 +0000 The information presented herein was derived from a whole bunch of Q&A with "Hoser" Satrapa and "Turk" Pentecost who spoke to "Hill Billy" Hill, "Fearless" Schumacher, "Hawk" Taylor and "Hawk" Smith (all pilots and RIOs who participated in ACE/AIM) to assure the proper info got passed along. Check out the whole dang shabang at tomcat-sunset.org under "The Hoser Chronicles."

ENTRY:
While playing SF2E, I got to thinking about ACEVAL/AIMVAL and the lessons learned from those exercises after closing with my wingman on two MiG-21s. I shot down my Fishbed at about 5 miles (AIM-7 launch at 8) while my wingman closed and at 3 miles took a shot to the snot locker by an AA-8 (limited all aspect capability there). I wound up bagging the second MiG with guns, but then thought to myself "my wingman still had 2 AIM-7's left, why the hell didn't he shoot at range?"

ACEVAL/AIMVAL (Air Combat Evaluation/Air Intercept Missile Evaluation) was a series of exercises (the exercises lasted from 1975 to 1978 and comprised of nearly 1500 engagements) designed to test the efficiency of the then-latest front line fighters, the F-14 Tomcat and F-15 Eagle, against inexpensive, small (F-5) opponents carrying all-aspect air to air missiles, and would serve as a means to justify the development of new systems for the air combat environment (and kill off some others). It was also a highly aggressive situation; the pilots participating (12 Tomcat crews, 6 Eagle pilots and a handful of both Navy and Air Force Aggressors) were hand-picked, being some of, if not the very best pilots either service had at ACM at the time.

The rules, most basically, were:

1. No AIM-54 for the F-14. (The AIM-54 had an active ACM mode that proved useful against maneuvering targets even at dogfight range)
2. Positive VID must be had before shooting an opponent.
3. (Not actually a rule, but a truism) The rules will change every time the blue force figures out how to get a kill ratio lopsided in their favor.

That third non-rule rule wound up being one of the most frustrating, but best rules the blue force would have to deal with, because it forced them to think up new tactics; to find new ways to kill opponents while keeping themselves alive. The blue force did have a few things going for them, however:

1. Bigger aircraft with powerful radars, better wing loading and thrust-to-weight ratio gave good advantages in target detection and dogfighting.
2. Radar guided TVSU in F-14 gave positive VID at 8 miles on average or more (the later TCS was zoomable for further range)
3. VTAS - The Visual Target Acquisition System, predecessor to the JHMCS, was used by both F-14 and F-15 crews and accounted for 90% of all off-boresight AIM-9 shots. Why didn't we develop it back in the 1970's? More on that later...

What should also be noted is that with regard to airframes, there were no G limits briefed, and every prohibited maneuver in the manuals was exploited by at least the F-14 and Navy F-5 side, from over-alpha to asymmetric thrust, to landing flaps used in "non-landing configuration."

"Hoser" provides: "At AIM/ACE, 'g' restrictions were not mentioned. "what ever it takes" was the unwritten rule. When the Turkey first hit the street, Mr. & Mrs. Grumman said it was pilot limited. The TACTS range recorded 12.2 g's symmetrical during a Guns 'D' break (mentioned way back [in the forum]). The high 'g' hurt Hill Billy's neck and he was was out of the hunt for a few days. We had the brand new Blk 90 Turkey x-rayed, inspected and gone over by a team of Grummanites...... not a lose rivet, zero skin wrinkles, perfect engine mounts, no hyd or fuel leaks; Just a broke RO. NAVAIR kept slapping new 'g' restrictions on the Turkey cause they figured them to last 100yrs. Hell, they would have lasted a hunnert and fifty years with a symmetrical 9.5 'g' guidance doctrine."

The combat was fierce. The 1000' gunshot bubble was violated countless times by both the blue and red force, in some instances, so that the pilot of the a/c being gunned had both a pipper on their head, and their name clearly visible in the gun footage. This matter of pride and competition was very unsafe, but surprisingly the only loss was a collision between a Blue Force F-15 and Red Force F-5 (no fatalities). Typically if the F-5's got into a gunfight, they were at a big disadvantage because both the F-14 and the F-15 have huge lift bodies, better wing loading and better T:W; Tomcat pilots would (if possible) get slow, drop flaps and drag the F-5's into rolling scissors to get on the Tiger's tail quickly.

But getting into such engagements would only happen if the Tomcat or Eagle wasn't killed with Sidewinder shots by the F-5's, which was one of the key points of the exercise: the ability to VID at long range, and splash the enemy aircraft without getting killed. The problem was that the AIM-7 is a semi-active homing missile, and so if the F-14 or F-15 shot at R-Op (8 miles) they'd have to keep the target painted, flying towards the F-5's. By 4 miles, the F-5 would have a positive ID on the F-14/F-15 and shoot an all-aspect infrared missile back, resulting in a 1:1 kill to loss ratio.

Early on, this spawned a bunch of ideas; the "Booker T. Washington Shuffle," the "Piston," the "Spincter" just to name a few. The BTW was designed to work with 2, 4, or 6-plane formations, where one/two/three of the F-14s would fly ahead of the other one/two/three, VID at 5-8mi, break and run, then the following F-14's would all fire at the F-5's from well beyond the AIM-9L's range, ensuring kills while staying out of the Sidewinder envelope, and then kill any survivors with their own AIM-9's or with GUNS, failing the former. The kill-to-loss from the BTW was better than 6:1. "Hawk" Smith came one weekend and found a way to ruin the BTW (after a few flights), so the "Piston" was developed, which caused a resurgence in K:L. The "Spincter" has to do with passing off a target lock to a weapon in flight. Can it be done? Can't say, but given the BTW, you can see it was of prime interest to the Blue Force.

As time went on, more and more rules were instated, and the findings processed after roughly 1500 engagements with a scant 2:1 (or about 2.5:1 depending on source)overall kill to loss ratio in favor of the "Big" fighters (both F-14 and F-15) against the small ones and average mission survivability of 3 missions. Hoser explains (also found in RADM Gilchrist's book "Tomcat! The F-14 Story")

"The basic final cold hard facts were/are:
1. In the visual arena, 'A small' supersonic, highly maneuverable fighter, packing all aspect heaters/guns 'against' a 'large', highly maneuverable fighter packing "all" aspect radar / heat missiles/dual seat VTAS and guns.. survives better, cost wise, than the 'big boys'.
2. If the 'Big Boys' can 'not accept a kill ratio of 2 to 1, they best stay out of the visual arena.
3. Wahlla! Solution for higher 'Big Boy' survivabilty/kill ratio= "AMRAAM" type weapon! Launch and leave and never subject your Big, High $$, Aerospace War Machine to the visual arena! Just can't have no fun no more! Of course there are a few alternatives, but that' a whole nother story."

"Turk" is still somewhat bitter about the way the test was run and the conclusions drawn...

"They [The Air Force blue force] undermined the validity of the tests by having moles tell them when intruders were going to be in their engagements. The intruders were intended to ensure that the both Blue Forces complied with the requirement to visually ID bandits before launching missiles. The Eagle drivers tried to justify their average 7 NM head on ID range by installing Weaver rifle scopes in the F-15 cockpits. Ahhhhhbbbulll****. Pardon me; I sneezed. That was greater than the average head on ID range of the TVSU [radar-slaved for precise tracking] equipped Tomcats. I get a little emotional about that.

Later, the Eagle ONC, Lt. Col Joe Griffith, lied in his final report about the recommendations of the Joint Services Operational Requirements (JSOR) for the Advanced Short Range Air-to-Air Missile (ASRAAM). No, he didn't slightly misrepresent the results; he outright lied. I was the Tomcat representative on the committee. After the tests, "Boomer" was successful in getting the report of the JSOR corrected to reflect the actual recommendation for a high off boresite capability, more like Hey Joe's Agile than the 30 degree off boresite, low capability Lady Finger that Griffith had been directed by the Air Force to endorse. Griffith and those who directed his activities committed fraud.

The published statistics were as Hoser described, but their validity was diminished by some dishonest individuals who were more interested in furthering their own careers than adopting effective future weapons technology."

The high-off boresight AGILE missile was axed and the VTAS was never developed further until Russia, who had high interest in ACE/AIM, developed their own high off-boresight missiles and Helmet Mounted Cuing system. The result to counter those is the AIM-9X and JHMCS, but it took another 20 years to get these capabilities into service. On the bright side, the AMRAAM was a direct development of ACE/AIM, and "Turk" seemed pretty happy with that.

And this brings me back to my engagement in the sim world. As was proven during ACEVAL/AIMVAL, an aircraft like the F-5 or the MiG-21 which it was simulating is not much of a threat to a bigger, more advanced fighter like the F-14 or F-15...until you put some technology into it. No longer having to maneuver to six-o'clock to shoot, the F-5 became a highly threatening enemy which had to be engaged at far further distances, but positively ID'd as well, and its small size did not make this easy. I've noticed more and more that once I get into the era of "death beam" missiles, I don't like to fly aircraft with the AIM-7 because the end result is too small of a kill ratio, too low survival ratings for me. I'll either pack AIM-54's or AIM-120's. The problem is that combat gets very dull, and I just long for a gunfight, F-14A vs. Su-35, but it rarely works out (winds up being BVR shot for shot, break low to break lock, fire again, etc). As Hoser said: can't have fun no more! And that's why I still prefer to fly between 1965 and 1978.]]> Tue, 06 Oct 2009 00:12:00 +0000